Last Resort

If you ever needed a reason why our favourite ‘80’s teen dynamic duo, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, should never work again, you’ve found it.

This is a train wreck unlike anything you have ever seen. Unfunny, incoherent, and completely brainless, it truly deserves to be at the bottom of the barrel. Never will you find a comedy as painfully unfunny as National Lampoon’s Last Resort. This is the kind of film that should come with a disclaimer along the lines of don’t watch with a weak heart or if you’re pregnant. It even hurts me just writing about it. What makes it so painful to watch is its incoherent nature; it is so dumb and confusing you just want to throw something at the screen. What bothers me most about this film is how some of the people involved genuinely thought they were making a funny, decent flick.

But despite being incoherent there is a plot in there, and I will try my best to explain it. For starters, here we have the two Coreys working together again, but even they should have known better than to star in this pile of garbage. Intended as a silly parody of beach party movies, Last Resort has the two Coreys and best buds who ‘magically’ travel to their uncle’s island getaway, where they suddenly find themselves coming up with a plan to save the island from evil land developers (yes, you have heard this story before). It may seem pretty harmless, but you haven’t seen the movie, have you?

It’s not easy to describe this film without resorting to violence. The best I can do is describing a memorable scene: Sam and Dave decide to scuba dive. You then see them ‘swimming’ underwater, which is essentially a stage with a blue background, sand on the floor, underwater plants made of cardboard, bubbles floating in the air to simulate bubbles in the water, and a mermaid. They even come across a gravestone marked ‘Jimmy Hoffa’, which I believe is meant to evoke laughter. Our two leads are ‘swimming’ by walking around and waving their arms around in a swimming motion. As all this happens you hear a bunch of random noises that are so annoying and pointless they can make your ears bleed. At one point Dave’s air tank explodes and projects him out of the water and into the air. And then we see him fall: a close up camera shot with a fan blowing in his face. That’s it. It’s baffling how poorly made this film is and this scene is a perfect example of how bad it gets. It’s as if the filmmakers weren’t even trying. It’s very insulting.

You don’t see too many films from National Lampoon anymore, do you? You can blame Last Resort for that. Any credibility National Lampoon had for making a decent comedy was negatively affected after releasing this dreadful comedy. It’s just a very dumb film, but not funny dumb, just dumb. You can actually lose brain cells from watching it (there’s your disclaimer!). And it’s very uninspired; there was really no effort made in the making of this film, and it shows in the final product. Between that and its incoherent nature, National Lampoon’s Last Resort is a true train wreck of a film. Even the two Coreys couldn’t save this film. Maybe they’ll have better luck with a sequel to ‘Blown Away’.

Final Mark: 1/5



EXTRA CRAP
The Good: Dread Zeppelin. Hopefully they got paid well to appear in this.

The Bad: I’m not sure who I want to punch more, Haim or Feldman… no wait; it’s Feldman.

The Ugly: Zelda Rubinstein doing comedy… *shutter*

In A Nutshell: Painfully unfunny; even the filmmakers who made ‘Manos’ put forth more effort than this.

Useless Trivia: You see that random guy talking to Sam and Dave while working out in their living room? That’s Bill Clinton’s half brother. Seriously.

Favourite Quote(s):

• Sam: Put your fingers down! You did that in "The Lost Boys"!
• Dave: Kill? Like dying? I don’t wanna die! Dying? Death?
• Hemlock: I’ll carve you into strawberry pie.
  Bob: Oooh, that’s my favorite boss.
  Sam: Is that with or without whipped cream?
  Bob: With!