No more Bottom of the Barrel

Moving on to greener pastures. Thank you for all the support, and remember that all movies deserve an audience, even the bad ones!

Turn down the good, turn up the suck!

Chris

Here's the thing about making something intentionally bad.

[Reprinted with permission from Twitch Film. I was going to write an article on this, but Twitch beat me to it and probably did a better job of it. The original article can be found at http://twitchfilm.com/news/2011/04/heres-the-thing-about-making-something-intentionally-bad.php. And by the way, you really should read Twitch Film]

Here's the thing about making something intentionally bad.

It's still bad.

I wonder sometimes if Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez really understood what they were kicking off when they embarked on their Grindhouse project. Since the days that project was announced scores of filmmakers - most of whom weren't even born when the original grindhouse movement was in swing - have cranked out low budget, deliberate grindhouse throwbacks. Most of these intentionally embed 'flaws' in the name of 'authenticity'. Any weaknesses in filmmaking technique are explained away with a shrug and a "Hey, it's grindhouse. It's supposed to be bad."

I have watched scores of these films. They are almost universally unwatchable to all but those who made them. They're not funny. They're not clever. They're just plain bad movies and I want people to stop making them. Stop explaining away your shitty technique with "Hey, it's supposed to be that way!" Because all you're doing with that argument is proving you don't understand the original movement at all.

Because, you see, no movie that was intentionally created to be bad has ever gone on to find an audience. Movies made to be bad are just plain shitty and nobody likes watching that. No serious, professional filmmaker ever set out to make a bad movie. Not one. They all set out to make the best movies they could under the circumstances they were presented with. It's the struggle to be good that gives them their vitality and their continuing drawing power. When they're funny it's not because they wanted to be bad - it's because they tried to be good and missed so badly. Even Ed Wood believed he was making art.

You cannot make a Plan Nine From Outer Space on purpose. This is why I haven't bothered to cover the upcoming remake. I don't give a damn. You cannot replicate the goofiness of the original and there isn't enough there to make a truly good film. So why bother? You can't make The Room on purpose. You can't make Birdemic on purpose. You simply cannot. And the unifying factor among the people who have made these films is that they generally don't realize why people actually like them.

You know why Hobo With A Shotgun is good? Because Jason Eisener made the best damn movie he could with the resources he had without ever once jumping up and down shouting "Look at me! I'm GRINDHOUSE!" You know why Black Dynamite is so damn great? Because Michael Jai White and Scott Sanders made a film that celebrated the stuff they love instead of mocking the weaknesses of the original genre.

I'm tired of watching your shitty-on-purpose movies. Life is too short to waste on shit whether intentional or not. Stop sending them to me. The next screener I receive for a film shot on cheap video with a bad digital overlay put on it to simulate the scratches of old 16mm film I am going to burn. In fire. The next time someone sends me a film with a 'missing reel' I'm going to beat it with a hammer. You want to impress me? I'm not impressed by your immense sense of irony. I'm not impressed by your ability to make shit. Anybody can do that. Impress me by making something good.

The sweet Roger Corman Blu-Ray bundle YOU CAN have!

Shout! Factory recently released some Roger Corman classics on Blu-Ray, each release proving to be a solid Blu-Ray title, better than the most of the dreck showing up on the format these days. It's a relief that someone out there is giving these titles the appropriate treatment they deserve.

These Blu-Rays are now being made available as one set directly from Shout! Factory, who are making the set available at 50% the regular price plus free shipping! You really can't ask for a better deal than that. The set includes the following:

• Star Crash
• Death Race 2000
• Rock n' Roll High School
• Humanoids from the Deep
• Forbidden World
• Galaxy of Terror
• Piranha

No word on how long this deal will be made available, so you better not wait, especially if you are looking for a good gift idea for the upcoming holiday season. The set can be purchased at the Shout! Factory store.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

In a way, The Human Centipede is a cautionary tale: if you ever plan on going ass-to-mouth with your friends, don't get stuck in the middle.

The most notorious film in recent memory is, in actuality, a piece of junk. Sure, calling the film ridiculous and disgusting is like calling a spade a spade. What you may not know is that the film is so stupid, yet tries so hard to be deathly serious, you don't know whether to treat this as a horror or a comedy. It probably explains why this film has been hit with so many parodies not seen since Snakes on a Plane.

Between the annoying female leads, the retarded police officers, the sudden revelation centipede lead Katsuro has during the climax, or, lest we forget, the doctor's previous attempt at creating a centipede, the film is riddled with stupid moments that either don't make sense or are really so ridiculous you can't help but laugh. Even the mad doctor himself is so over the top you can't take him or his unexplained motivations seriously, though at least he come across effectively creepy. Maybe all that was the intention, maybe we're supposed to be laughing, but I don't buy it for a second.

And for a film that's supposed to be one of the most shocking ever made, it could have been a lot more shocking and could have benefited from a little more substance to the story. Instead, The Human Centipede is dull and uninspired, on top of being stupid, offering nothing to the genre or to its own legacy. In fact, the only legacy this film will leave is one similar to 2 Girls, 1 Cup; it's a real gag if you can sit through the entire thing. If you do, maybe you get a prize; just pray it's not the Home Edition...

Final Mark: 1.5/5



EXTRA CRAP
The Good: If anything, the director is a pretty competent filmmaker and actually made a decent looking film... undeserved, mind you.
The Bad: Really? Dogs?
The Ugly: There's gonna be another one with twelve individuals... yeesh.
Food of Choice: Chocolate Turds
Drink of Choice: A Piece of Ass
Useless Trivia: The film boasts itself as being 100% medically accurate, thanks to research conducted with a doctor who provided details on how it can be done. In other news, this is someone's freakin' doctor!
Favourite Quote: Dr.Heiter - I hate human beings!

A few notable top film lists - Bottom of the Barrel Approved!

I'm usually not all for these lists that appear online picking the top films in a certain category; half the time the person writing the list really don't know what they are talking about. Only the IMDB Bottom 100 has provided one of the more decent lists in recent memory. But there has been a few lists appearing online that are worth checking, especially if you read this site regularly:

Wired compiled a list of exploitation flicks in time for the release of Machete in theatres, referencing some great titles like Lady Terminator, Death Wish 3, and The Car. The list can be read at http://www.wired.com/underwire/2010/09/exploitation-movies/?intcid=postnav.

When the low budget horror Chain Letter was released, MSN Online provided a surprisingly entertaining list called the "Dumbest Horror Movie Plot", which includes a Bottom of the Barrel favourite Jack Frost. This list can be found at http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/39386825/.

Finally, film critic Michael Adams posted an article at Rotten Tomatoes of films so bad you cannot miss. This list, which came to fruition during the writing of his new book Showgirls, Teen Wolves, and Astro Zombies: A Film Critic's Year-Long Quest to Find the Worst Movie Ever Made, contains a few golden standards as well as a few hidden gems. The list can be found at http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/showgirls/news/1868670/25_movies_so_bad_theyre_unmissable.

If there is another list worth checking out, strike back below with a link!

The B-Movie Title Generator

The Grasping Snake Trees From The Abyss
Revenge Of The Over-Animals From Earth
Voyage Of The Ice-Cream Horror From The Sky
It's The Possessed Vindictive Dwarf Swarm
The Scary Bloated Sexist Sheep From Darkest Africa
Son Of The Chocolate Trees
The Mammoth Aqua-Ooze
Tomb Of The Levitating Force Amoeba From The Phantom Zone

What do these all have in common? There were all created by the B-Movie Title Generator.

It's minutes of hilarious entertainment at the click of a button. See more at gandronics.com/bmovie

The sweet b-movie collection YOU can't have!

The good thing about this set is it contains some of the best b-movies ever made, making it a perfect gift for anyone from aficionados to amateurs. The bad thing is its not available for purchase here.

The B-Movie DVD Collection from Boulevard Entertainment is only available for purchase in the UK, so you can only get it through eBay or overseas retailers, if you can find it, that is. But if you can get your hands on it, you'll have yourself a fantastic set containing twelve solid 'b' titles:



* Creature
* Crocodile
* Elvira: Mistress of the Dark
* Hell Comes to Frogtown
* Night of the Living Dead (Colourised)
* Octopus
* Rats
* Return of the Killer Tomatoes
* Return to Horror High
* Slugs
* Spiders
* The Stuff

Hopefully we'll see this set, or something similar, on this side of the ocean shortly. Until then, good luck finding a copy.

Finally! An educational forum for b-movies!

It's been a long time coming, but someone actually had the balls to run lectures around b-movies. Toronto's resident cinematic enfant terrible, Chris Alexander, has been running a film series called Film School Confidential, which is in essence a master class on b-movies. So far he's presented us with such classics as Horror Express, Lifeforce, Shriek of the Mutilated, and many other hidden gems. Think of it as wine tasting for b-movie lovers.

Here's a promo for the series, which started November 2009:


The film series runs every month at the Bloor Cinema in Toronto. More information can be found on Chris Alexander's website.

Know of any other b-movie lectures or film series that deserve mention? Let us know in the comments below.

New Look, Same Crap

After an extended break, I decided to update the site with a newer, cleaner look, some new bits to the reviews (which I will likely be adding to the past reviews), and finally got around to finishing some past due posts. I got some good stuff down the pipeline, including some new features, so stay tuned. Thanks for reading!

Roger Corman interview on Rue Morgue Radio

You may remember my tribute to the great Roger Corman from back in September last year. It turns out Rue Morgue felt the same way about him and conducted a fantastic two-part interview with him on their weekly podcast Rue Morgue Radio. You can now find them in their archive at http://ruemorgueradio.com/?a=archives; Part 1 is on December 4th, 2009, Part 2 is on January 8th, 2010. If you're not convinced Roger Corman is a great man, interview ought to do it. Enjoy!