Tammy and the T-Rex

Ahh, Tammy and the T-Rex; what an unbearably great film you are! *sigh*

Tammy and the T-Rex is a real treat of a b-movie, and is one I discovered accidentally one fateful afternoon on television. I was stunned by what I saw: how can a film so bad and so silly be so damn great?! And more so, what possessed Denise Richards and Paul Walker to star in this movie?!! And even more so, why is Denise Richards stripping for that talking brain?!!!

Tammy and the T-Rex is the touching story of Tammy and Michael, a lovestruck teenage couple who are being threatened by Tammy’s ex Billy. At one point, Michael secretly visits Tammy in her bedroom but makes a bit of noise in the process. What does Tammy’s parents do? They call her… on the phone… from downstairs… to see if she is alright… and it’s the same damn phone line! Too funny!! Things suddenly get out of control when Billy kidnaps Michael and drops him into a lion habitat, where he quickly becomes a tasty piece of flesh for the resident lions. For the record, it’s best not to try and figure out why a lion habitat is in the middle of a residential California neighbourhood… it might hurt your head a little.

Later, with Michael recovering in the hospital, a mad scientist named Dr. Wachenstein steals Michael’s body, removes the brain, and places it in a robotic Tyrannosaurus Rex. They don’t explain why he created the robotic Rex; maybe for world domination, maybe to create a robotic dinosaur theme park, we may never know. In any event, Michael returns to life in his new body and escapes the mad doctor’s lab, going on a path of destruction and revenge towards those that did this to him, all the while reuniting with Tammy, his one true love. Awww, how sweet. Realizing that love and mechanical dinosaurs do not mix (well, in this case, at least…), Tammy helps find Michael a new body, which includes a stop at the local morgue. Uhhh, not so sweet.

And the wackiness doesn’t stop there. Beyond the bad special effects and top-notch acting, you even get a few memorably bad scenes, such as the hunt for the body in the morgue and the dinosaur charades scene, some weird woman-dinosaur affection, some very brief moments of gore, and the epitome of bad gay and black stereotypes involving Tammy’s friend Byron. The film is topped off at the end where Tammy dances and strips for Michael, whose brain is now out of the dinosaur and kept alive in a bowl. Yes, you heard correctly; Denise Richards strips for a brain in a bowl. Classic! It’s astonishing how bad this film gets, yet you can’t help yourself from laughing your ass off at it; it somehow becomes quite entertaining!

Back to the gore for a moment: You’ll notice when watching this film the amount of gore in it. There is actually quite a bit of blood and gore here, even though it is not that evident. You’ll love it when Dr. Wachenstein’s assistant rolls up the flattened body of a henchman. HA! Considering the film is rated PG-13, it’s surprising how much the filmmakers got away with. At the same time, though, you can clearly tell where they had to cut scenes to get that rating. For whatever reason, they thought they could release it as a family-oriented film, which is a hell of a lot funnier than the film itself. Because of this, it leads me to believe that there is actually an uncut, R-rated version somewhere in existence, complete with more gore, and maybe more of Tammy stripping for the brain! And if there is an uncut version somewhere, I wanna see it! Imagine this film as a 2-Disc Director’s Cut DVD! How awesome would that be?! To Stewart Raffill, director of this fine piece of work: if there is an uncut, unrated version of Tammy and the T-Rex, please release it!

You’ll either find Tammy and the T-Rex to be painfully funny or just plain painful, but you can’t deny that this is a great b-movie! It’s truly horrible and absurd film that tries too hard to be a family film, and yet doesn’t try hard enough, and it ends up being more dumb when it’s trying to be funny and more funny when it not trying to be. Whether you like it or not, Tammy and the T-Rex is genuinely so bad it’s good! It nearly becomes bad again, but slows down at the right moment. A must see for anyone looking for a good, or bad, b-movie. But this film could be even better if it was uncut and R-rated. Hopefully we’ll get to see that version someday soon!

Final Mark: 4/5


EXTRA CRAP
The Good: Michael, his brain already stuck in the dinosaur body, is with Tammy trying to convince her who he is. He does this by playing a game of charades. And no, his arms are not supposed to be that long. This should probably go under the ‘The Bad’, but the ridiculousness of it is so hilarious, it really is the best part of the film.

The Bad: Tammy stripping for the brain of her boyfriend at the end. There’s something awfully wrong with that, and yet I find it strangely arousing… Damn you, Denise Richards, for being so damn dumb and sexy.

The Ugly: Michael and Billy get into a fight, where for some reason end up squeezing the shit out of each other’s balls in an attempt to defeat one another. If only I thought of that when I was in a fight…

In A Nutshell: A horrible and silly film, it is deserving of its ‘so bad it’s good!’ title. But PG-13?? I want to see the R-rated version; it has to exist somewhere.

Useless Trivia: Apparently, Denise Richards refuses to talk about this film, which is a damn shame; I really want to know what the hell she was thinking when she took this part.

Favourite Quote(s):

• Norville: You want me to slap the girl for you, sheriff?
  Sheriff Black: No!
• Tammy: Michael, I’m so sorry honey, I’m so sorry. We’re going to find you another body, I promise, okay?