Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

Whoever came up with the idea of tomatoes killing humans is a genius!

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is everything you ever expect in a b-movie. It is the dictionary definition if you will. What more can you ask for? It has ridiculous monsters, amateur acting, musical interludes, no-budget set pieces, bad jokes… it’s almost perfect. But it has one problem that I discovered in re-watching the film after a while: it doesn’t have lasting appeal. It’s not a film you can watch over and over again. It’s a b-movie that doesn’t stand the test of time. That is what makes a b-movie great, and this film is missing it. I can’t pinpoint why; maybe it is the jokes, maybe the lack of plot, maybe the film quality… regardless, the film is missing a lasting appeal b-movies need to survive.

But that doesn’t mean it is without any classic moments. There’s the giant paper mache tomato on wheels chasing its victims, and the swimming tomatoes attacking a group of people at a swimming pool, and the kamikaze attack on a couple of people in their car. That’s what is a little weird about this film; it’s not very good as a standalone film, but it has certain moments that are great. They’re just too few and far between. You’ll be more entertained watching those great moments individually than watching the film as a whole. It’s surprising too because it has such a great title that really builds up expectation, only to break it down by the end. It becomes one of those films that’s basically a joke stretched far too long, like a Saturday Night Live skit turned into a movie.

With the tomatoes on the attack and the CIA’s special ops team hired to resolve the issue, it all builds up to the climax where the tomatoes are cornered in a stadium and the song Puberty Love is played over the loudspeakers. You see, the mad scientist behind the tomato uprising used music to create his monsters… a motif that strangely re-emerges again in the franchise. Puberty Love is a horrible song… HORRIBLE! They mention it throughout the movie and always say how bad it is, but they weren’t kidding! This song is painful to listen to, so much so that it makes you want to turn off the movie to avoid listening to anymore. They weren’t kidding when they were saying how bad it is. But happens to be the song that reverts the tomatoes back to their original state, and ultimately defeat them. But there is one tomato clever enough to protect itself from the song, which leads into the funniest sequence in the film.

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is a genuine b-movie. It may not be perfect, but it is great! And yes, I am aware that it is a spoof of the genre and that is supposed to be more comedy than ‘b’. Let’s not kid ourselves here; it’s bad, it’s fun, it’s a b-movie, even though it’s a spoof. But it’s a different kind of bad too. It’s not terribly funny and has too few memorable moments. It’s a funny idea that gets stretched thin, a joke that gets told too many times. And it doesn’t have lasting appeal, despite its ridiculous title. I think the title is more enjoyable than the film itself.

Maybe I’m just too hard on the film. It is after all just a b-movie, right?

Final Mark: 3/5



EXTRA CRAP
The Good: The various ways the tomatoes attack the humans are priceless.

The Bad: Puberty Love, the song that eventually destroys the tomatoes is really painful, enough to drive anyone nuts.

The Ugly: Don’t ever ask a tomato to pass the ketchup when a tomato is around.

In A Nutshell: A cult film that will always retain its cult status, but not as great as one would hope.

Useless Trivia: The drummer for Pearl Jam is the performer of Puberty Love. Eddie Vedder is a douche.

Favourite Quote(s):

• Dr. Nokitofa: Technically sir, tomatoes are fags.
  Dr. Morrison: He means fruits.
• Wilbur Finletter: (after finding the mangled body of team member Gretta) I just wanted to warn you there's been tomato activity reported in your area. Carry on.
• Ted Swann: We have to convince the little housewife out there that the tomato that ate the family pet is not dangerous!