Return of the Killer Tomatoes

Whoever thought making a sequel to Attack of the Killer Tomatoes was a genius!

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes may have set the bar higher in the land of b-movies, but its sequel Return of the Killer Tomatoes is the masterpiece that one-ups it. Return is a hilarious, incredible b-movie that does everything right; it’s off-beat enough to be a b-movie, yet smart enough to fit within the mainstream. I know what you’re thinking: a b-movie should not be mainstream. Trust me, it is not mainstream, it only fits into the mainstream; it is still very much a b-movie. But it is a soft b-movie, one that anyone who has never experienced a b-movie would be wise to start with. Call this an introduction to b-movies. It does the genre justice. It is the film that introduced me to b-movies as a child, and afterwards all I wanted was more.

But beyond that it is just a great movie. The comedy is timed perfectly, the acting is great, the female lead is super crazy hot, and it is even a step up from the first film in production values and special effects. Even the story is clever: after tomatoes have been banned (which results in some interesting pizza recipes at the local pizza shop), Prof. Gangreen illegally ships tomatoes in and performs experiments on them, transforming them into a super-race of tomatoes disguised as humans, just so he can take over the world. How does he do it? He dips the tomatoes in toxic waste, places them in a chamber, and plays a tune on the radio; a different tune creates a different human, whether it is a soldier, or a celebrity look-a-like, or a total babe.

But one escapes; Tara, an incredibly sexy tomato-human, along with her adorable furry tomato friend FT, and falls in love with Chad, who along with his friend (George Clooney in an early role) and his heroic uncle from the first film, are trying to bring Prof. Gangreen to justice before his tomatoes rule the world. Just when they get closer their goal, the film runs out of money and they resort to a ridiculous amount of product placement to keep it going. I love it when a film breaks the fourth wall; not all films are successful when they do it but this one does it well.

I ‘d like to take a moment now to discuss the two characters that make this film: First is Prof. Gangreen’s trusty sidekick, nephew and aspiring TV news reporter Igor. Played hilariously by Steve Lundquist, he makes for a very charming villain and has some of the best lines and moments in the movie. Then there’s Tara, played by Karen Mistal (why doesn’t she have a career?). Now this is one sexy vegetable… or fruit… Jaw-dropingly sexy! But that’s not all: She can cook 850 international dishes, perform 637 sexual acts, and use all the popular home appliances. She also has an obsession with toast and turns into a tomato when Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony is played. And did I mention that she’s hot? Really hot! I know she’s a tomato, but I’d still tap that!

Return of the Killer Tomatoes is not your average b-movie, but is much more than your typical silly comedy. It’s funny enough to appeal to the mainstream, yet weird enough to fit into the world of ‘b’. And that’s why the film works so well! It’s a silly, funny b-movie that anyone can watch without hurting their head. Anyone who hasn’t seen a b-movie before and have no idea what to expect may find themselves overwhelmed with some of the titles out there; this one will soften the blow, as it works as a decent introduction to b-movies. But beyond that it’s just a great film with some great moments. Better than the first, it’s a classic by anyone’s standards.

Final Mark: 4/5



EXTRA CRAP
The Good: The movie-within-the-movie “Big Breasted Girls Go To The Beach and Take Their Top Off”. Need I say more?

The Bad: It’s never good when a production runs out of money… at least they picked themselves up.

The Ugly: Is it wrong to have a hard-on for a tomato? I mean, look at her, she’s hot!...

In A Nutshell: A hilarious sequel that stands above its predecessor.

Useless Trivia: Congressman Gary Condit, most known as a suspect in the Chandra Levy homicide, can be seen as a patron in the pizza parlour during a brawl. No word as to whether he tried to ban tomatoes while in office.

Favourite Quote(s):

• Chad: The Girl of my dreams is a vegetable!
• Prof. Gangreen: My tomatoes can be made to look like anyone. A police chief, a congressman... the president himself! We... will... not... fail... AGAIN!
• Charles White: Cut it! Cut it! Cut it! Save the film, strike the broad and kill the babies.